so that wasnt chicken after all
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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