My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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