You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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