maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i drank out of a bidet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
