Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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