I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
