Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
