Why are handjobs necessary in class?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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