It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
