I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
