Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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