I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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