Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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