She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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