Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
