I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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