I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
