I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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