Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
