If that was your dad, he is hot
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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