I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
