dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
