I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
