Old men and throwing up are my life now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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