at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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