Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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