You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The adults are the big ones right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
