smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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