Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
