I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
