last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
