my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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