the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
