you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
