why didn't you poke me back
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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