i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
