On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
