My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
