your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
