she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
