so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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