Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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