this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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