Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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