I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
