This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
