you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
