he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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