No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
