I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
