so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
