I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So. Much. Porn.
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