I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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