so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
