I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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