is your mom at the bar?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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