You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
