clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
