watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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