Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
