Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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