Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
