btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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