well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
