There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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