Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
