Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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