you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
