Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
