if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
