I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
