THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
