She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
