hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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