Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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