I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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