The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
