Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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