He asked to "fluff my boner.."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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