Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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