Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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