Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
