now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Alive.
So much puke
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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