kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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