i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
