did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
